Unmarried Muslim Women Over 30 - The Horror!

Trust me when I say that there is a part of me that is nervous about writing my thoughts on this subject. A quick Google search of 'unmarried Muslim women over X age' will immediately bring you to over two million results of women, parents, so-called scholars, and news reports about how much of a stigma it is to be unmarried woman over the age of 30, so you'll understand why I hesitate to share my beliefs. I choose to share my story with you because there has to be at least one positive blog article posted on the Internet about this subject, and I would love to be the one to share it.

To share a bit of background, I was born in the United States to newly immigrated Palestinians in the 1980's. I have only been back to the Middle East once - prior to elementary school. My memories of that visit were filled with children playing out in the streets; no fear, no hatred - a visit filled with love from my relatives.

I was raised to be independent, highly educated, and kind by my loving parents. Much to their chagrin, I turned out to be a complete geek - a lover of computers, technology, books, movies, and television shows. Anything that was creative or fun, I was usually involved in. In the early 2000's, I hosted several fandom-related websites on sensue.net. (Some of you probably remember me; to others, I am happy to meet your acquaintance.)

Suffice to say, with my studies, websites, and work-ethic - I rarely had time for finding love. Never fear, my mother was there for me!

From the time I was a teenager to this very day, my family constantly asks "Why aren't you married yet?" Trust me, after a while, that question starts to drive you insane and makes you feel down about yourself. I started researching relationships, online dating, meeting blind dates in coffee shops - just like many of you are doing now.

The Muslim men that I met were hardly marriage material - some of them practically shook at the thought of the dreaded "M" word. It was tough-going, I kept thinking that I was the one who screwed up every date. "I talked too much. I shared too much. I am too geeky... etc." Not good - not good at all, but I didn't want to quit either. Love was out there and I only needed to find it.

The Disney princesses made it look so easy!

So, I went out and I met the following gentlemen:

• The non-Muslim Muslim - This is a guy who says he's Muslim but drinks, swears, and acts like a child in the name of Allah. He's the most common among Muslim Americans. 
• The Muslim Baby-Daddy - He's almost exactly like the non-Muslim Muslim, but he has one or more child out of wed-lock. All of his exes are insane or so he says; none of it is his fault.
• The Quick Divorcee - This one makes all of your red-flags wave! He's the guy who was married for only two weeks and desperately wants to marry you as soon as possible. But, like all of the others, it was her fault that she couldn't maintain the marriage.
• The FOB (Fresh-Off-the-Boat) or the Green Card Marriages - These are the gentlemen that the family tries to set you up with. Some of them are nice, but the majority of them are too new to the United States to understand a modern independent woman born and raised here. There's also the fear that they are only marrying you for citizenship that you cannot ignore in the getting-to-know-you stage.
• The Crazy Nut - The frightening guys that you have back-up plans to avoid at all costs. I must attract them - one of them I even had to call the police over after he threatened me. If these guys don't make you swear off men, I'd be scared for your sanity. After dating one of them, you pause looking for quite a while - shaking off the fear of meeting another like him.

This girl's got all of the luck - I am telling you! Where are all of the geeky Muslim guys when you're looking for them? You know, the kind of guy who'll worship you, love you, and most of all - be geeky with you instead of being a condescending controlling jerk?

So, what's a girl to do? I do what all geeks do - Google it! I found a few awesome blogs written by incredible single women who want to encourage each other... One of my favorites is Mandy Hale's "The Single Woman". She's a Christian writer but, she's very inspirational.

It was one of the reasons why I chose to write about my own stories on this blog. To tell you that I couldn't find a single positive blog post about being a Muslim single woman is horrible! I choose not to hide, not to be a stigma! My resolution is to live my life to the fullest and stop waiting to get married before planning for my future.

My life is awesome, Alhamdulillah. I have a roof over my head that I have provided myself. I have beautiful parents who are still together and married. And I love to write and bring a smile to your lips.

I would love if you shared your own stories... laugh about them. We don't have to quit on finding love - but we should always focus on loving ourselves and each other in the mean-time.

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Image found on: https://pixabay.com/en/bride-and-groom-skeleton-gothic-1352440/
Photo of Amman Kite Festival by Fatima Chowdhury, (Student Correspondent) University of Michigan - CET Middle East Studies & Internship in Jordan, Summer 2015